Women
by JilyEvotter19
Summary: Four conversations between Lily and James. All dialogue.


"Lily?"

"Yes, James?"

"What are tellyvezzens?"

"You mean _televisions_."

"Yeah, whatever ..."

"Where'd you hear about them?"

"Remus. He was supposedly explaining some complex Muggle invention to Sirius and I caught the word."

"Oh ... they're big – boxes, I suppose you could call them that ... and they have images in them."

"Oh? What kind of images?"

"Honestly, James, haven't you taken Muggle Studies?"

"Never really payed attention ... what kind of images?"

"Movies, or news castings, or – why don't you ask Remus? I'm sure he can explain better."

"Lily, you're a Muggle-born! Remus is half-blood! It's not possible that he can explain better!"

"James, stop pestering me. Now go and find Remus, or make yourself useful."

"By doing what?"

"Urgh, Merlin! Just – I dunno, make some tea or something!"

"_Tea_?"

"Yes, there's this new thing called _tea_!"

"... What's the spell for making it, then?"

"The Muggle way, James, the Muggle way!"

"But why not the wizard way?"

"Because the Muggle way will keep you busy, and you'll learn to appreciate women's tasks!"

"_Women _..."

* * *

"Lily-kins?"

"_Yes_, James?"

"What book are you reading?"

"And why are you so interested?"

"Ouch, Lily-kins, can't I ask a simple question?"

"Of course you can, but somehow I don't see you as being interested in the title of the book I'm reading."

"Well, I have something against the book, you see."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, it's wasting your time."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, you can't deny that it _is _wast-"

"James Charlus Potter, don't you think Quidditch and Quaffles waste _your _time?"

"That's a different matter entirely!"

"No, it's not! And now let me read!"

"_Women _..."

* * *

"Lily-flower?"

"Do you want me to come over there and kill you?"

"Er ... no?"

"Don't call me Lily-flower then! What do you want?"

"Well, I was wondering what Potty Junior's name will be."

"'_Potty Junior_'?"

"Yeah, nice name, isn't it?"

"James Charlus Potter, you will _not _call our son Potty Junior!"

"Well, that's why I'm asking you what we're going to name him!"

"How about Robert?"

"Hell no! Wasn't Robert that git at Hogwarts who you went out with for two weeks before you found out that he was gay?"

"Don't remind me of that time, James ... I'm still trying to forget it. How about Alexander, then?"

"Nuh-uh. How's Ian?"

"No, he reminds me of a bad guy in a movie I once saw. Before you ask, a movie is like a series of pictures that tell you a story or something similar."

"For Merlin's sake ..."

"What about Charles? Charlie?"

"No, Molly and Arthur Weasley said _they _were going to name their second kid that."

"So? We barely know them!"

"It doesn't matter."

"James –"

"Gabbana?"

"James, if ever there was someone who came up with the ugliest names, it's you. Honestly, Gabbana?"

"Yeah ... y'know, like Dolce and Gabbana?"

"How'd you know about that?"

"Please, Lily. Just because I'm a pure-blood doesn't mean I'm completely oblivious to the Muggle world."

"Whatever you say ... we'll continue this discussion later, James. I have to get ready."

"Oh, but ..."

"Oh, and we're almost out of soap, so if you happen to go out, be sure to buy some, won't you?"

"Elvindork?"

"My name is _Lily_."

"No, I mean, do you like the name Elvindork?"

"... Are you feeling all right, James?"

"What? Why?"

"Because it does not sound _as if you're in your right mind_! Honestly, naming our baby Elvindork?"

"You look really pretty when you're mad, Lily-flower."

"That's it. You're –"

"Not dead! Godric, woman, are you crazy? I – you – why's your wand out? – AAHHH!"

"Serves you right, you pesky little piece of –"

"WOMEN!"

* * *

"Lils?"

"..."

"Lily-kins?"

"..."

"Lily-flower?"

"..."

"Lily?"

"..."

"Lily Potter?"

"..."

"Lily Potter née Evans?"

"..."

"_Lily Anne Evans-Potter_?"

"..."

"LILY?"

"_What_?"

"Do you love me?"

"No."

"Lily?"

"WHAT?"

"Really? You don't love me?"

"Quit the immaturity, James."

"But, Lily?"

"What the bloody hell -?"

"_I _love you."

"I love you too."

"Lily?"

"_WHAT_?"

"Seriously?"

"..."

"OW! STOP – ouch! – stop hitting me with your damn book! Ow!"

"There you go. That's my answer."

"Women ..."

* * *

**Author's Note: **This was written for _PoisonParadiseExpress_'s** James/Lily Writing Competition** and awarded first prize.


End file.
